Projection is one of those sneaky little habits we all have… even the most seasoned business owners, even the most emotionally intelligent among us. And the tricky part is, most of the time, we don’t even notice we’re doing it.
It slips in quietly: During a sales conversation. A discovery call. A client update. That moment when someone hesitates… or asks a question… or shifts their tone.
Without warning, our brain stops hearing them—and starts playing a movie starring us: our fears, our assumptions, our emotions, our history.
That’s projection. And in sales, it can be a full-blown relationship saboteur.
Over the years, I’ve seen projection show up in three distinct ways. Each one can derail a conversation, damage trust, or cause us to misinterpret a prospect’s intentions altogether. And each one is beautifully illustrated by a well-known character we all love (or love to scream at while reading the book or watching the film).
Let’s explore all three. And, more importantly, how to stop projection before it costs you the sale.
1. Insecurity: The Bridget Jones Special
Of all the kinds of projection, insecurity-driven projection might be the most universal. You know the scene: Bridget Jones, endearing and chaotic, assumes Mark Darcy couldn’t possibly like her “just as she is.”
Why? Because she doesn’t see her own worth.
Bridget’s insecurity becomes the lens through which she interprets everything Darcy says or does. If he looks serious, she assumes he’s judging her. If he hesitates, she assumes he’s pulling away. And if he compliments her, she assumes he’s being polite.
None of it is real. All of it feels real. And she almost self-sabotages the relationship because she’s reacting to her own fears—not Darcy’s actual behavior.
In sales, this kind of projection shows up when you:
- interpret a pause as disinterest
- assume a money question equals rejection
- fear your value isn’t enough
- shrink your offer before the client even responds
- apologize for your pricing because you feel insecure about it
When insecurity is steering the ship, you’re not listening to your prospect, you’re listening to your inner critic.
To break the cycle, we return to curiosity. What is the client actually saying? What are the facts? Where is the fear coming from… them, or you?
The moment you get grounded, the conversation changes.
2. Assumptions & Worldview: Elizabeth Bennet at the Meryton Assembly
Now let’s talk about another form of projection: the assumptions shaped by your worldview, your history, and your past experiences.
My very favorite literary heroine, Elizabeth Bennet, gives us a masterclass in this.
At the Meryton Assembly, two things were true:
- Darcy did not show up at his best. He was stiff, awkward, aloof, and dropped a few regrettable lines that would make anyone wrinkle their nose.
- Elizabeth interpreted every one of his actions through her existing lens: her quick wit, her social intuition, and her expectation that people should behave with the civility polite society demanded.
In her worldview:
- reserve = arrogance
- awkwardness = disdain
- poor first impression = permanent truth
She wasn’t hearing Darcy. She was hearing the story she believed about him.
We do this in sales, too.
- “This reminds me of that prospect from two years ago…”
- “When a client says that, they always mean…”
- “I know where this is going… I’ve seen this before.”
Except you don’t. Not yet. Your client’s reality is not a rerun of your past.
This is where the powerful pause becomes essential. You stop. You ask the second question:
- “Tell me more.”
- “Help me understand what that means for you.”
- “What does this look like in your business?”
Elizabeth Bennet didn’t get the second question until Darcy sent her a handwritten, four-page emotional treatise (delivered at dawn, no less). You, thankfully, do not need Austen-level drama.
Just curiosity. Presence. And the humility to stay open.
3. Emotional Persona: Ted Lasso and the Blind Spot of Good Intentions
The third form of projection is one we don’t talk about enough: projecting our emotional style onto others.
I relate deeply to Ted Lasso. He’s optimistic, hopeful, warm, and genuinely sees the best in people. His kindness rings true. His sunshine feels real. And most of the time, he’s incredibly attuned to the emotions around him.
Except when it came to Michelle.
Ted wanted so much to save his marriage that he projected his emotional worldview—positivity, perseverance, belief, hope—onto a situation that needed tenderness, stillness, and acceptance.
And because he was holding onto his optimism so tightly, he couldn’t hear her truth.
I’ve been there, too. My natural inclination is to highlight the silver lining, offer encouragement, and look for the good. But when someone is hurting or overwhelmed, that isn’t always what they need. Sunshine doesn’t match every moment.
In sales, this can cause misalignment:
- a cheerful tone when a client is stressed feels minimizing
- a light comment when someone is overwhelmed feels dismissive
- quick positivity feels like you’re glossing over their pain
We don’t do it intentionally. But it still lands wrong.
Emotional alignment doesn’t mean abandoning your authenticity. It means flexing your style: Listening deeper. Sensing their emotional state. Matching their pace, tone, and energy so they feel truly seen.
This is where trust grows. Where relationships strengthen. Where clients feel cared for—not managed.
Pulling It All Together: The Power of Presence Over Projection
Projection shows up in three powerful ways:
- Insecurity makes us hear what we fear.
- Assumptions and worldview make us hear what we expect.
- Emotional persona makes us respond with how we feel rather than how they feel.
But the antidote to all three is the same:
Presence.
Curiosity.
The powerful pause.
When we slow down… And we question instead of assume… When we listen instead of anticipate… When we tune into the other person’s emotional reality… We step out of projection and into connection.
That’s where sales becomes joyful. Where relationships flourish. Where clients feel seen, heard, and valued. And that’s where you show up as your best, most grounded, most authentic self.
Because at the heart of it all, sales is not about perfection. It’s about presence. Worthy intent. And the courage to see your clients for who they truly are—not who your fears, your history, or your emotional defaults tell you they might be.
Lynn Whitbeck is the co-founder and President of Petite2Queen. She is focused on identifying and evaluating opportunities for women at work, helping them define their personal roadmap. She dedicates herself to delivering tools and insights, embracing visualization of the big picture, and identifying and implementing the minutiae of detail. Lynn aims to share lessons learned along her journey and enable positive uplift for women.